The Spark by Rakhi Jayashankar - #Storytellersbloghop
We hugged each other after 7 months. Ray has become lean and his skin has become dark with Sun tan probably. I lost track of how long we hugged. He held me tight like never before. The shy self he is, he never gave me a full hug. I remember teasing him for behaving as if someone is watching him all the time.
When I met him for the first time, there was this salty breeze that created an oxytocin rush that failed to subdue even five years down the line. Beach has played a protagonist in our romantic endeavor. I still remember those shy hazelnut color eyes stuck on me. Women are blessed with the intuitive power of knowing when they are being watched. But would I tell him that I know that he is looking at me? Not a chance. To date, he doesn't know that I put up the ignorant act despite knowing that he had his eyes on me. Those were the times we were playing hide and seek with each other's feelings but we felt closest to each other.Walking hand in hand, we reached the water. I whispered in his years "I missed you". When I tried to move away he held my palm and pulled me back to his chest, our hands still intertwined. I reminisced how much I loved finding each other fingers alternatively. My fingers were slender and long while his were oversize bonsais. But how much I loved feeling them. I looked at the fingers and a chill ran down my spine. The realization was slithering up through my nerves forcing my facial hairs to tingle. I bit my teeth and tried to calm my nerves. Does he know that I know? The extra growth on his hand was the only sign that differentiated both of them. The eleventh finger!
How could I not notice? Have I forgotten how he feels? Has the salty breeze taken me over so much that I could not even recognize that this is his twin brother - Rex. The murderous lecherous creature. The one I despised growing up. If he is here, where is Ray? I tried to hide my nervousness and smiled. I am sure he recognized the awkwardness of the fake smile because I could see a creepy twinkle and his pupils were dilated, probably in delight.
Poor Ray! What has happened to him? I shouldn't have pushed him away, I shouldn't have judged him just because his brother was a wretched rogue. All the while he was trying to protect me from Rex because he has seen up close how much Rex despised me for looking down on him, for not paying heed to his desperate attempts to woo me. It was when their mother confronted me that I got to know how Ray came close to me just to protect me from his brother. On the other hand, I pulled myself close to him so as to pitch his brother's ego. Coming to think of it, I am as wicked as Rex because I played with Ray's feelings just to get back on his brother. Only when he was out of sight that I realised I was indeed in love with him. But see where it got me. I am right in front of the one whom Ray was trying to protect me from, because of my stupidity. How he reached me is not relevant because he has his means and connections.
Without leaving my hand, he led me to an empty shack nearby. I played along for there was nothing I could do, period. Where is Ray? Where is his mother? How did he reach me? Why did he pretend to be Ray? What are his intentions? Numerous questions rushed through my mind. But one question stuck in my head. Will I be able to escape? He took me inside and locked the door. A sudden jerk knock me out, and before I could decipher what surmised, I could see blood oozing out of my hands. My eyes started dropping and I slowly gave in to the fight to keep the lids apart. Through the slit of my eyes I saw Rex as two. 'I was hit in the head, I am hallucinating, convinced my inner self. But before my eyelids kissed each other, I saw those hazel eyes.
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This story is written for StorytellersBlogHop Season 3 hosted by MeenalSonal and Ujjwal Mishra
Hi Rakhi, Swarnali here. I loved reading the story and the style of your narration. It was a different kind of shade of love, in fact there were many shades of love. Though I prefer to avoid violence in my reading and writing, but I liked how you have balanced it so that the charm of love doesn't fade. A nice take on the theme.
ReplyDeleteOh wow! Did not see that ending coming! A unique twist to the topic!
ReplyDeleteOh that twist, something like my kind of reading/story I am fond of. I liked the way you used the theme with that climax.
ReplyDeleteLoved the narration and the plot. The story moved swiftly and effortlessly, though i did not understand the shade of love here, maybe the love turning sour or jealous. Lovely twist at the end
ReplyDeleteTwist upon a twist in your story of twisted love. Cool.
ReplyDeleteWow! Had to reread to understand what actually happened, though I'm still unsure about it. Did Ray actually kill her? A different take on the prompt and the words and writing style were lucid and well paced.
ReplyDeleteNice twist. People who have been played with can do weird things.
ReplyDeleteI am really surprised how you rolled out entire story, it kept me glued..but even I want to know what happened to Ray and his mother. Hope you are coming up with next chapter of this story.
ReplyDeleteThis is a gripping and intense story that leaves the reader wanting to know what happens next. You have done a good job of building tension and creating a sense of foreboding as the protagonist realizes she is in a dangerous situation with Rex instead of her beloved Ray. The descriptions of the characters and setting add to the atmosphere and make the scene come alive. The cliffhanger ending leaves the reader wondering what will happen next and creates a sense of anticipation for the next installment. Overall, a well-written and engaging piece of fiction.
ReplyDeleteThat was quite an end, really made the reader sit up. Well, love and obsession have very thin lines, so truly another shade of love.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting bit of creative writing. Loved the way you built the atmosphere, sucking in the reader into a vortex of intrigue and gently pushing them to the climax.
ReplyDeleteI am completely mesmerised by the narration, in fact I was visualizing the story. It felt like romantic late to come out later as a different shade of love. Beautifully done, Rakhi.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, what began as such a beautiful tale of love transformed into something so sinister. Your narration was great and I found myself drawn to the twins. The poor girl got played, and how!
ReplyDeleteThis certainly was a jolting shade of love. You have kept the reader on tenterhooks through out
ReplyDeleteI loved the way of narration & the twist made me sit up straight ! A very unique shade of love has been portrayed here.
ReplyDeleteDidn't expect the turn of event...but truly grasping
ReplyDeleteWhat a surprise twist in the end! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story with astonishing revelation in the end.
ReplyDelete"I saw Rex as two" is chilling!
What a thrilling tale of mistaken identity, love, and danger. The plot twists kept me engaged and curious about what will happen next. Overall, it's a great example of how a short story can pack a punch.
ReplyDeleteThis story is one of its kind a thriller genre that has love shinning along. The climax is a winning one.
ReplyDeleteI liked the use of suspense and the unexpected twist at the end in this story. Though it begins in a romantic tone, but it turns out to be a dark and sinister tale. The way you described the setting and the characters createsld an intense atmosphere. I was led to believe that the protagonist is meeting her lover after a long time and then it is revealed that she has been tricked by his twin brother, who has sinister intentions. The twist at the end is unexpected and leaves the reader with a sense of shock.
ReplyDeleteJust my favorite, thriller and mystery... I just loved it.. The ending was soooo well written...
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